Stoic or stupid? You decide

My parents having a ball at a ball

My parents having a ball at a ball

Today, my father told me he feels that he’s a burden to his wife, my mother and us, his family. Without actually saying it out loud (in case it comes true) the elephant implicit in the room was that he would rather live, or die trying.

This only makes sense when you know that my Dad has a dicky ticker. Last week, even sandblasting a small deck landed him in hospital. His vast medical history is now such that his complications have complications. Enough so that when my home phone rings early in the morning or late into the night, the adrenaline that rises nearly knocks me to the floor.

Upon discharge, Dad’s surgeon gave my father a choice that yes, he could live, or that he would, in fact, die trying. This is a significant dilemma.

From the day his father died, when he was just a small boy, my father rose to the role of patriarch. He became a proud and capable “head of the family”. Since then, he’s been leading an extraordinary generous, engaged and dynamic life. He’s been a community leader, remained active by sailing, cycling to work, building things and camping and tramping up and down the country, and raised a pack of forthright, determined, independent children. He even started recycling when it wasn’t fashionable. And buggered if he’s ready to let that go and accept any form of constraint.

And who can blame him; what’s life if you can’t lead your own?

My dilemma however, is that my Dad adds value to so many people just by being. He doesn’t have to do to be all right in our world, he’s magnificent by just being. I would rather keep his exciting mind here on planet earth where it can be transformational, than not here at all.

So, is he belligerent, or is he allowed this final rite of self-indulgence? You tell me.


  • Finished reading a 269 page PhD thesis


  • Read up to page 65 in a PhD thesis
  • Ate a yummy cinnamon biscuit (it really was yummy)
  • Discovered to my surprise, that I did NOT win $17 million in Lotto

Happy Monday all



5 thoughts on “Stoic or stupid? You decide

  1. my view?
    let him live
    if his ticker is dicky… it might stop while he’s watching an exciting game of rugby. how much better for him if it ended up giving out on the back of an elephant in thailand instead (not that he needs to go to thailand… but you get my drift…
    he sounds like and awesome man and a man who would hate to have to sit still just to have a few more days left. he sounds a little bit like you belinda 🙂

  2. Haha. Yes, he’s raised a whole lot of hims. We all hold on to our independence like it’s a trophy. Maybe one day he’ll learn to relax, and then maybe we’ll all follow! 😉

  3. Pingback: I choose freedom! | iheartprocrastination

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